When a Granola dies, they are neither buried nor cremated. They are ground up, deconstituted (the exact same process and third party company used to make NASAs space food, inidentally) and mixed in with the cork used for the soles of Birkenstock orthopedic sandals. However, that is not their final resting place, since, in the sole of a Birkenstock, they are enjoying a second life of sorts. And, since you really have nothing to do with that, there is no real etiquette for you to consider yet. It's just another day for the Chief Opperations Officer at Birkenstock.

Where you come in is when your pair of Birkenstocks wear out. Typically people get a pair of Birks re-soled 3-4 times before the leather finally rots off the buckels. When you send them back in to Birkenstock, be sure to check the box marked, "Yes, please send me back my old soles so I may dispose of them reverently." Here's where it starts to get involved.

A pair of Birk soles cannot be ceremonially buried or cremated any more than the original body of the Granola can be. Before I go further, let me give you a little background on Subarus.

When a Subaru is on it's last leg, the owner buys a new one, then drives his old one out to a remote tract of land called Subaru Heaven. There, it may, "live on... one piece at a time." Which is what marketers call, "On-Brand." Granolas LOVE Subarus as much as they love Birks.

Now, back to your soles. Get in your car (very likely a Subaru) and head to the nearest REI location. There you will scope the parking lot for the eldest-looking Subaru, which will be like judging a neckbeard contest and trying to determine whether the bits of oats in them were prepared traditionally, or as cold Musli. Which is a lot like disecting owl turds: Earthy, to say the least.

Once you have found your Elder Subaru, slide under it and lash your old soles to the catalitic converter with a length of hemp rope. Then, leave. And play it cool. When the Subaru owner returns with their assorted North Face items, they will fire it up and get a good piece down the road when the heat of the catalitic converter sets fire to the hemp rope and Birk soles, destroying them and sounding the Subaru's death knell.

In the short term, yes, this is inconvenient for the Subaru owner, but it is far from arson. Subaru owners are well aware of the custom and accept their fate with honor. They know it's just a matter of time before theirs will be chosen. That's why they always keep a filled CamelBak in the trunk with the adage, "You never know when you'll be walking home, flanked by Granola spirits shuffling off to Valhalla."

Later, they will arrange to push their old Subaru out to Subaru Heaven with thier new Subaru. This is the final resting place of Birk soles and Granolas.

Now, take this knowledge and go drink deeply of life. And remember, if you are considering the Granola lifestyle, take baby steps, and make not using deodorant the LAST think you check off the list.